mr ryan v. biden

Just realized that I pick up exactly where I left off at the old place. Symmetry is always an omen.

We’ve built up these debates to the level of gladiatorial combat. It must have started with the Republican primary debates. The energy (and expectations) built up there carried over to this current cycle of cross-party debates. And everyone, including me (and except perhaps Romney, ironically) was shocked by this.

Romney’s plan all along was to surf his way into the White House upon a Tsunami of Bullshit, Reagan-style. And we all acted surprised when he did his best in the debate last week.

And so here we are, in the odd position of having Joe Biden as our new Rhetorical Champion of Democracy. With Paul Ryan, Dual-in-One Avatar of both Christ and Rand as the opponent.

I buy into these debates as much as anybody else does, if not more. But somehow I’ve grown tired (exhausted) of the stakes being so high.

Of course I’ll watch. Of course I’ll be part of whatever freakout or triumph comes in the aftermath.

What else could I do?

no peanuts in church…

…probably had something to do with allergic reactions in crowded spaces.

The last time I was on an airplane, they wouldn’t give me my bag of peanuts. Because the kid in front of me was allergic.

Some actuary had actually modeled, computed and assessed the risk of me spraying the kid in the seat in front of me with Sublime Airborne Peanut Spray, thereby causing their horrible death via anaphylactic shock.  And my taste for peanuts (and sincere need for vegetable protein) were just not worth the actuarial risk.

Ok, fine. I didn’t want to kill anyone. I had just wanted to eat some peanuts.

That said, I (much later) remembered the old Boston Puritans had outlawed eating peanuts in church, long ago, and it was still technically on the books. As a child, I had assumed this had some obscure almost-medieval reasoning behind it (peanuts were of the devil and sparked fires, summoned earthquakes and made the cows infertile). Or maybe it had something to do with the slave trade.

But no, it was probably allergies. Someone’s kid got sprayed with Sublime Airborne Peanut Spray in church, and died in convulsions. Accusing the neighbors of Witchcraft to get their land was long passé at that point (and that nonsense had always been for the backwards Country Folk, anyway), so they just decided to ban the peanuts.

It’s a theory, anyway. And so now I have this domain name.

Makes perfect sense, really.